The Blindspots Between Us offers science-based strategies that anyone can adopt immediately to address the problems caused by our relationships because of cognitive biases, helping their relationships not only survive but thrive. If you want your relationships to flourish, make sure to get this outstanding book!
~ Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, is the Scientific Director of The Imagination Institute at the University of Pennsylvania, the bestselling author or editor of 8 books including Ungifted and Wired to Create, hosts “The Psychology Podcast,” and writes the column “Beautiful Minds” for Scientific American
The Blindspots Between Us
How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships
When what you think you know gets in the way—this eye-opening guide offers a clear path to forging stronger, healthier, and more meaningful relationships. We all want positive, productive, and genuine relationships—whether it’s with our family, friends, peers, coworkers, or romantic partners. And yet, time and time again, we all seem to make the same thinking errors that threaten or sabotage these relationships. These errors are called cognitive bias, and they happen when our brain attempts to simplify information by making assumptions.
Grounded in evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), The Blindspots Between Us reveals the most common “hidden” cognitive biases that blind us to the truth, and which lead to the misunderstandings that damage our relationships. With this guide, you’ll learn key skills to help you debias—to stop, pause, and objectively observe situations before jumping to conclusions about others’ motives. You’ll also learn to consider other people’s points of view and past experiences before rushing to judgment and potentially undermining your relationships. This much-needed book will help you identify your own blindspots, and move beyond them for better relationships—and a better world.
A free Workbook based on The Blindspots Between Us. A guide through the questions and exercises from the book, it will help you develop and practice the key skills to build positive, productive, and genuine relationships with those around you.
Free access to the author’s Wise Decision Maker Guide. This resource provides you with vital ongoing tools on avoiding cognitive biases and making the best decisions to avoid professional and personal disasters in your email inbox every first and third Tuesday.
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Endorsements for The Blindspots Between Us
Even the most intelligent people struggle with relationships. This groundbreaking book reveals that the way our brain is wired causes us to make many bad decisions in our relationships. All of us - even and in some cases especially the smartest people in the room - are susceptible to subtle decision-making errors called cognitive biases that can devastate our social ties with our loved ones, our friends, our coworkers, our local community, and our society as a whole. Gleb Tsipursky combines cutting-edge research and pragmatic case studies to show the kind of problems that result from falling into these mental blindspots. More importantly, The Blindspots Between Us offers science-based strategies that anyone can adopt immediately to address the problems caused by our relationships because of cognitive biases, helping their relationships not only survive but thrive. Not only is this the first book to address how to solve cognitive biases in relationships: it's also well written, describing both the problems and solutions in a readable and engaging way that makes the book fun to read and the techniques easy to incorporate into your daily life. If you want your relationships to flourish, make sure to get this outstanding book, and get a copy for anyone in your life whose relationships you want to protect.
- Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, is the Scientific Director of The Imagination Institute at the University of Pennsylvania, the bestselling author or editor of 8 books including Ungifted and Wired to Create, hosts “The Psychology Podcast,” and writes the column “Beautiful Minds” for Scientific American
Do not buy this book on impulse. Your gut cannot be trusted. But I hope you will trust me when I say that I objectively believe you should buy this book. It has a high probability of improving your life and especially your relationships immensely. It will help you avoid cognitive biases. Whether you’re a student or a CEO, it will aid you in making better decisions about dating, family, friends, money, work, dessert, you name it.
- A. J. Jacobs, author of four New York Times bestsellers including The Know-It-All, and editor at Esquire magazine
Trusting my gut led to two less-than-ideal marriages and even an affair. I convinced myself it was okay because my body was "speaking" to me. In hindsight, this was not healthy behavior. Once logic took over I could see my actions were damaging to me and the people around me. Dr. Gleb's book will keep you from making the same mistakes as me.
- Gabe Howard, bestselling author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and host of “The Psych Central Podcast”
Maybe I’m biased, but this is a terrific book! Cognitive bias is a significant and ever present challenge in all of our lives. Our mental biases color our perceptions, blind us to opportunity, narrow our options and even force us into mistaken courses of action. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Dr. Tsipursky offers a deeply coherent system for understanding our biases and then debiasing them ourselves. The book manages to be both wide ranging in scope and strategic in presentation, as it builds from start to finish, and provides meaningful exercise along the way for integrating the lessons. Readers lives will be dramatically improved, so I highly recommend reading it!
- Rick Kirschner, ND, bestselling coauthor of Dealing With People You Can’t Stand and author of How to Click with People
Got a log in your eye but all you can see is the splinter in someone else's? in this extremely useful new book on cognitive bias, Gleb Tsipursky tells the answer assuredly is "Yes" even if you don't think so. This fantastic text on unseen bias give us an entertaining and deftly written tour of a wide variety of hidden dysfunctions in the way humans think, and combines clearly written explanations with practical exercises about how we can debias ourselves. Before the end of the book, Tsipursky addresses that question all of want to know: what is the best way to move others from opinions that we think reflect their bias? In the culminating chapter, Tsipursky presents strategy for interpersonal dialogue both builds on existing literature on dialogue, bias, and persuasion, and simultaneously offers an approach to structuring dialogue. Given the severe societal divisions and the pervasive lack of neuro-science based dialogue skills - and the empathy and needed to create dialogue - Tsipursky's book is a needed new "go to" text, not just for specialists in unconscious bias, but anyone who concerned about transcending separation in these divided times.
A fascinating book! In today’s complex world we still base too many relationships and big decisions on our gut instincts--and then wonder what went wrong. Gleb Tsipursky has a roadmap (and the experience to go with it!) for “de-biasing” our thinking errors for much better results. I’m going to keep this book close by as a reference when I know I need to check myself.
- Bill Eddy, bestselling author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life and Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths—And How We Can Stop!
Our ability to enter into, nourish, and at times even end relationships in healthy ways is one of the keys to living a happy and fulfilling life. Yet most of us struggle with painful relational patterns that show up again and again, thwarting our ability to realize the higher potentials our relationships hold for wellbeing and mutual satisfaction. In this well-written, well-researched offering, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky provides clear and effective ways to relate to one another that promise to empower our relationships to be healthier and happier for many years to come. I strongly recommend it to those of us who are committed to learning how to grow our ability to love and be loved.
- Katherine Woodward Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One”, and licensed marriage and family therapist
In an era ever more divided by tribalism, bias and political acrimony, Dr. Tsipursky’s excellent, insightful book provides timely guidelines for managing our cognitive biases, assumptions and hidden blind spots to improve our relationships with romantic partners, family, friends and co-workers. It’s uniquely helpful and is arriving at a perfect time to make a difference in healing our society – and ourselves.
- Kathy McCoy, PhD, psychotherapist and bestselling author of We Don’t Talk Anymore and Life Happens
Approaching our relationships on autopilot (as most of us do!) can result in misinterpretations, miscommunication, and misunderstandings that can in time make those relationships quite miserable places to be. This research-based guide will help you identify and address your own cognitive biases, vastly improving your ability to communicate, resolve conflict, and create healthy, happy relationships.
- Mali Apple and Joe Dunn, bestselling authors of The Soulmate Experience and The Soulmate Lover
Dr. Tsipursky uses the fundamentals of social and cognitive psychology to remind us that we are not merely being puppeteer-ed by instinct but that we can “course-correct,” be awakened to the cognitive errors we do commit, and practice new ways of decision making. A powerful and actionable set of tools for people who feel they are stuck in a decision making rut!!
- Ramani Durvasula, PhD, bestselling author of Should I Stay or Should I Go and Don’t You Know Who I Am?, Professor of Psychology at California State University – Los Angeles, and practicing clinical psychologist
This book is a definitive guide to recognizing one’s cognitive bias and getting beyond them which will have a positive effect on all your relationships including your romantic partners, friends, families, work colleagues, as well as within community groups, civic or political. It is complete with brilliant exercises that will allow you to identify your cognitive bias blind spots and come away with a specific plan to address them.
- Rick Brinkman, PhD, bestselling author of Dealing with People You Can’t Stand and Dealing with Meetings You Can't Stand
In this well-researched, yet highly readable book, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky leverages his expertise to help readers better understand their cognitive biases, or blindspots, and how those affect decision-making and relationships. By drawing on personal experiences as well as providing examples from his consulting business, Dr. Tsipursky vividly illustrates fundamental concepts and underscores their relevance in our daily lives. In today’s complex world, the crucial knowledge and skills presented here are more important than ever.
- Lois Foreman-Wernet, PhD, Professor and Chair of the Department of Communication at Capital University
The root causes of most relationship discord begin hundreds of thousands of years ago on the African savannah, where quick emotional reflexes were often lifesaving. Today, however, these same emotional reflexes tend to trap couples in endless, unproductive cycles of anger, fault-finding, and blame. Author Tsipursky masterfully applies the new brain science behind Thinking, Fast and Slow to show how slow, deliberate thinking can be the master key to avoiding the emotional traps that bedevil so many relationships. What's more, he's stocked this book with simple, actionable advice for turning resolutions into reality. Any intelligent modern couple, no matter how well-adjusted, will find much of value in this book. As a therapist, I've always found it paradoxical that most of my interventions with clients involved helping them be less emotional with each other. After reading The Blindspots Between Us, now I know why.
- Stephen Snyder, MD, bestselling author of Love Worth Making, and host of "The Relationship Doctor" podcast on Macmillan Publishers' QDT Network, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai
Self-awareness is one of the top three most important skills to develop to be a successful leader and manager. However, more than 90% of professionals don't prioritize it. They never identify their blind spots and challenge their thinking, past patterns, and biases. It leads them to overestimate their own abilities, make critical business mistakes, communicate poorly, and build much lower performing teams. Dr. Gleb Tsipursky provides an actionable framework with 12 essential strategies and exercises to help anyone significantly improve their self-awareness. I highly recommend you not only read this book, but do the exercises. You'll see an instant ROI in the workplace.
- Jason Treu is a Chief People Officer and leadership and teamwork expert, bestselling author of Social Wealth, and creator of the leading team- and culture-building game, “Cards Against Mundanity”
Dr. Tsipursky is really onto something here. He reveals a new way to look at relationship conflicts and possibilities, whether the relationship is in the bedroom or the boardroom.
- Gay Hendricks, PhD, bestselling author of The Big Leap and Conscious Loving
We assumed this book would be useful, and it is. What we were surprised by is how intellectually engaging and entertaining it is, not only to read, but to discuss and apply with friends, colleagues, and family.
- Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, co-authors of the bestsellers Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback
More Endorsements for The Blindspots Between Us
Ever heard the saying “You don’t know what you don’t know”? Gleb Tsipursky makes sense of our blindspots and how to work with them in his scientifically based, strategy packed guide to overcoming cognitive bias in relationships. Whether you want to raise the bar in work or in the personal domain of your life, this book is a fascinating read that will broaden your bandwidth of knowledge and know how.
- Lucie Hemmen, PhD, bestselling author of The Teen Girl’s Survival Guide and clinical psychologist
Gleb Tsipursky’s take on how cognitive blindspots damage relationships is fresh, creative, and backed by solid research. He offers entertaining examples of how friends and families fall out due to egocentricity, tribalism, superiority and other biases. Then he offers ample exercises to help you identify and overcome your blind spots to achieve the empathy and close connection you crave with your loved ones. This book is a real gem.
- Patrick Fanning, bestselling author of eight self-help books, including Couple Skills and Mind and Emotions
A pioneering book that reveals the fundamental causes for so many problems in our relationships and, more importantly, how to fix these errors. Our minds are full of dangerous judgment errors called cognitive biases that cause grave damages to our social bonds. Fortunately, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky provides groundbreaking cognitive neuroscience research that can help us not only gain awareness of these mental blindspots, but also overcome them. Read this book if you want to have successful relationships in all life areas!
- Lindsey Ellison, relationship coach and bestselling author of MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist
We tend to tell children and teens to think before they react yet we often sabotage ourselves as adults by not seeing situations clearly, especially when we are under stress. The Blindspots Between Us provides numerous thoughtful and inspiring lessons on how to more accurately understand ourselves and the world around us. Gleb Tsipursky’s courage to be authentic while brilliantly providing us crucial lessons on how to think effectively, makes this a must read book for all of us. I heartily recommend this book to anyone seeking to overcome problematic and self-destructive thought patterns and enrich their lives.
- Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, Child and Teen Psychologist and bestselling author of The Stress Survival Guide for Teens and 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child
This book will introduce you to the many ways that your instinctual safety mechanisms, while trying to keep you safe, also create unconscious biases that lead you to make poor decisions. Reading it will start you on the path to breaking their grip and navigating more skillfully through your life.
- Steven Kessler, Bestselling author of The 5 Personality Patterns, and licensed psychotherapist
The Blindspots Between Us is a unique and creative approach to relationships. Borrowing on recent research in the field of cognitive psychology, Dr. Tsipusrky provides a compelling and original way to avoid making common mistakes in relationships. Highly recommended.
- Joshua Coleman, Ph.D, bestselling author of When Parents Hurt and Helping Parents Heal, psychologist, and Senior Fellow, Council on Contemporary Families
This a book of tools to help debug the mind, which records EVERYTHING (right, wrong, or misunderstood). The executive part of the prefrontal cortex makes better decisions on corrected data. Check your gut before you trust it.
- Jay Carter, PhD, bestselling author of Nasty People and Nasty Bosses
For anyone interested in getting on the fast-track to integrity, peace, and reality-based self-confidence, The Blindspots Between Us offers a clear, powerful, and utterly workable program for harnessing your mind’s potential as a reliable decision-making ally—even in the most reactivity-inducing or anxiety-provoking situations. Dr. Gleb Tsipursky pulls the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz of our most primitive and entrenched mental habits, inviting us to take a good, hard look at the damage they cause, and offering cognitive tools that act as powerful, corrective antidotes. Anyone interested in creating a wiser, happier, more rewarding life would do well to steep themselves in this book's distillation of the latest research. Tsipursky's sense of humor and relatable anecdotes, coupled with the exercises he offers at the end of every chapter, make this book an eminently readable and effective catalyst for do-it-yourself transformation.
- Alicia Muñoz, bestselling author of No More Fighting and A Year of Us
A truly practical and fascinating guide to knowing yourself by knowing how your mind really works. Reading this book can save you from making a lot of mistakes in life.
- Jonathan Robinson, frequent Oprah guest and the bestselling author of The Technology of Joy and More Love, Less Conflict
The term cognitive bias can sound intimidating, yet Gleb Tsipursky explores this potentially challenging and yet very important topic with fun, easy-to-grasp explanations. With its many anecdotes, Tsipursky's book goes beyond explaining cognitive biases to teaching easy-to-use tools for overcoming them. Want to upgrade your thinking, and with it your relationships? Try this thoroughly engaging read.
- Susan Heitler, PhD, bestselling author of The Power of Two and From Conflict to Resolution and clinical psychologist
We have known for many years now that cognitive biases cause our brains to routinely misjudge the world, resulting in avoidable conflicts and sometimes great damage. Gleb Tsipursky has written the first practical book that not only explains these mistakes, but offers well-designed exercises to help us become more aware of these biases and learn to counteract them. As a mediator for forty years, I have seen countless cases of cognitive bias result in miscommunications, poor judgments, and broken relationships, many of which might have been saved had people known about this book. Buy it, read it. It could change your life.”
- Kenneth Cloke, JD and PhD, bestselling author of Resolving Conflicts at Work and Politics, Dialogue and the Evolution of Democracy, Founder of Mediators Without Borders, Director at the Center for Dispute Resolution
From politics to marriage, it’s critical that we understand our biases and how to manage them. By providing down-to-earth examples from his own life, Gleb provides an easy-to-read, yet scientifically sound guide on how to detect our common cognitive mistakes. The next time you get into an oft-repeated argument on Twitter or with your spouse, flip through some of the exercises in this book… and perhaps gently recommend this book to your spouse or online foes.
- Kirk Honda, PhD, Host of the “Psychology In Seattle Podcast”
Let’s face it - our brains are lazy. We’re almost always looking for the easiest solution to a problem or the quickest answer to a question. Thinking carefully about anything is a lot of work. That’s what makes Dr. Tsipursky’s book so valuable. He clearly explains how our thinking shortcuts work and when it’s time to step back and give something a little more thought. Bad decisions can harm us at work and in our personal relationships and Dr.Dr. Tsipursky’s book is the only one I know of that addresses how cognitive biases affect our relationships - and believe me, I’ve read many books on cognitive biases. Tsipursky bases his work on the latest cognitive science research and yet makes it very down-to-earth. A very enjoyable, revealing read.
- Michael Britt, PhD, is the host of “The Psych Files” podcast, Professor Emeritus at Marist College, and best-selling author of Psych Experiments
Our relationships with others define who we are and enable us to reach our true potential. Yet as an expert in character education, I can attest that one of the biggest problems with our parenting and education system is failing to teach young people how to manage and improve their relationships. The cutting-edge research in The Blindspots Between Us shows why we make so many mistakes in how we approach relationships, due to unconscious cognitive biases. Fortunately, the author provides effective and pragmatic solutions to these mistakes that are critically important for anyone who wants to have healthy relationships – in their professional activities, with their friends and family, and with others in their community. Written in an engaging and relatable style, this book can be read quickly, but you shouldn’t skip the very helpful exercises informed by Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy that will help you integrate the information in the book into your life. I hope this book will become required reading in our schools and will recommend it to anyone whose relationships I want to flourish.
- Michele Borba, Ed.D., bestselling author of UnSelfie and The Big Book of Parenting
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky empowers you to avoid business disasters as a consultant, coach, speaker, trainer, and CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts. A best-selling author, he wrote Never Go With Your Gut, The Blindspots Between Us, and The Truth Seeker’s Handbook.
His cutting-edge thought leadership was featured in over 400 articles and 350 interviews in Fast Company, CBS News, Time, Scientific American, The Conversation, Business Insider, Government Executive, The Chronicle of Philanthropy, Psychology Today, Inc. Magazine, and elsewhere. He has a strong research background in behavioral economics and cognitive neuroscience with over 15 years in academia, including 7 as a professor at the Ohio State University, with dozens of peer-reviewed academic publications.
In his free time, he enjoys tennis, gardening, and most importantly, spending abundant quality time with his wife to avoid disasters in his personal life.
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Sample Media Interviews on "The Blindspots Between Us"
Recent Blogs by Dr. Gleb Tsipursky
Our assumptions about what others want are often incorrect due to the cognitive bias called the false consensus effect. Extensive research shows that most employees place a premium on telework and work-life quality after the pandemic. That’s the key take-away message of this episode of the Wise Decision Maker Show, which describes what employees want when they return to the office.
To cope with depression in the post-pandemic recovery, find new ways of fulfilling your needs for exploration, love, and meaning and purpose. That’s the key take-away message of this episode of the Wise Decision Maker Show, which describes how to cope with depression in the post-pandemic recovery.
Our assumptions about what others want are often incorrect due to the cognitive bias called the false consensus effect. Extensive research shows that most employees place a premium on telework and work-life quality after the pandemic